Verbal Diarrhoea...

I've wanted to write a post for a few days now, but I feel like whatever I write should be important or significant or somehow meaningful. A lot of thoughts have been buzzing around in my head, so here's a few snippets:

I like to give advice to other people. I enjoy mediating and, at the risk of sounding dramatic, negotiating. In doing so, I strive to "be right" and to give "correct" advice. With 22 years on this planet and relatively little experience of people, relationships, the world, politics and life in general, I sometimes doubt myself. As noble as I aim to be, I feel like I can never know if I'm truly giving the best advice. I will to an extent, be forever limited by my own paradigm, because that is how I see the world. How broad and open that paradigm is depends on how open minded and flexible I am willing to be. I will have to overcome that feeling of uncertainty and be content with who I am, and that I am at least trying to be the best I can for other people.

I've read and watched quite a few particularly interesting things this week. I caught one article by David Baddiel in which he noted how society's mark of intelligence is more often than not a simple case of who has the best memory. Exams. Pub Quizzes. Reading the news. Mastermind. If you can remember something and then regurgitate that back to society, my word you're smart. He concluded that "original thought" could be a contender for how we can tell who's got brains. The theory has its flaws, but it's nice to know that some people are actually thinking.

How can I go about altering the foundations of Western Education and still pursue my passions for filmmaking, writing and giving advice to people? And if/when the current misguided education system is reformed, what will it create? What the hell is society going to look like with all these young people who are actually learning and doing what they want instead of wasting the first 18 years of their lives?

I'm keeping up with the TED Talks that are free to watch on YouTube. This week Barry Schwartz talked about how rules and incentives can quite often stifle society, and that people need to bend the rules sometimes, much like how a jazz musician doesn't stick to the notes on a score sheet; he improvises to make up an altered, more personal melody. Schwartz gave an example of how State Kindergartens in Chicago have appallingly lengthy regulation guides on how to read books to kids, because these days teachers can't be trusted to teach without some sort of insurance policy. Have you heard of anything more ludicrous?

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all" - Oscar Wilde

Spontaneous you say?

It seems that someone important was reading to my last post, because I think literally the day after, IT SNOWED!! For us Britons who don't see it too often, the snow is so wonderful and magical. For me, despite travel difficulties, it's so nice purely because it looks so clean and amazingly innocent. After I got home from uni, I convinced my housemates to come and have fun in the street, so we had a snowball fight and a couple of us even sledded down our hill on a grill tray, which, while not the speed of light, was still SO COOL.

It snowed again today, which was lovely and white. I am fortunate enough not to care about going into work or worrying about icy roads. My bike Audrey serves me well from getting to nearby places. I've stayed in my PJ's all day editing my film, fixing my computer and discovering new food recipes. I have also decided to start learning the keyboard, courtesy of my friend James, who never uses his. The amazing piece of kit now sits in my room temporarily while I figure out how to use my fingers in a musical manner. It hurts, but it's bloody fantastic!

To quote my favourite radio station's jingle, "Love Life, Love Music, Smooth Radio"

Maybe one day I will be able to play whole songs, but for now, here's a bit of "Heart & Soul" and the Intro of "Hey Bulldog"... I know. This was like an hour after I got it. Early days yet, early days.

Must Think Harder...

It's been a little longer than usual since my last post- predictably and annoyingly, uni work is reaching slowly for my throat, but I am fending it off day by day.

I tell a lie. My degree is one of the best things I've ever done and it's so enjoyable, but it is occupying a lot of my time these days, not to mention dealing with crappy editing software that crashes every five minutes.

Last night, from about 5pm, I got a buzz to do something spontaneous and fun, just to go somewhere and do something a little different. My other housemates were busy or out, so one by one I phoned or sent a text to as many of my friends here in Birmingham as I could. Nothing. Nada. Busy. Got family visiting. Home for the weekend. Out for dinner. Going to a (*shit*) club.

What to do with all this pent up energy?

The last time I can remember this happening, I was in Santa Barbara. My resolution was to jump in the swimming pool in the middle of the night while everyone else was snuggled up in their living rooms doing boring things. It was freezing in the pool. My muscles stiffened up with great discomfort. But my god was it fun as hell.

Last night, I started to feel slightly trapped by the lack of options open to me. It was like the whole world had shut for the night, leaving me kicking pebbles in the street. But when I was last in Santa Barbara on a brief visit, a good friend of mine also felt kind of trapped. We talked about how in order to have fun nowadays, it seems like you really have to plan it out well in advance, because everyone's too busy with this and that bullshit.

Hell, I had an idea to play Beer Pong one night with my coursemates, but even that requires planning and deep thought. It's been about three weeks in the works, and it still hasn't happened. What the fuck?

Are we losing our ability to be spontaneous? Why can't we just have a bit of fun every now and again, or adventure? Or something that isn't mundane day-today living! Are the consequences of detouring from the "main plan" that dire? Maybe it's because I live in the arsehole that is known as Selly Oak, where it's cold and full of chavs...I dunno. Sometimes, I want to go for a drive that goes nowhere. I want to have a random house party, or go to one at least. I want to chill in a park at night and shoot the breeze with my really close friends and look at the stars.

Am I imposing limits on myself by surrounding myself with people/places that inhibit me? Am I just whining and not making the most of what I do have? I'll figure that out soon enough when I move back to London I guess, a place where every opportunity is open to me...apparently.

Rant over. Oh, almost forgot, have this. Many thanks to my beloved brother for finding this one.

Mortality

Well, this is going to be a bit of a morbid one..

Recently I've been forced to think more about valuing my time on this strange world. A close friend of mine recently lost someone very close to him, and it truly hurt me to see him in pain, but it was obvious that he very much loved that person with all his heart. Late in 2008, I met someone who had lost his son to an illness, something which he also wrote about in his blog. His pain too, was so prominent in his words, and the holidays were especially hard for him without his son.

My grandparents, from what I have heard, were extremely active both in mind and body in their youth, but time is catching up with them. It's a hard thing to face, but it is the one absolute truth in life. It's made me want to appreciate them, but also to appreciate my own time on this planet.

I've also chosen to take a course this term called "Death and the Moving Image". It only dawned on me a day before the first class how depressing it's going to be, but I'm embracing it because I feel like it will be somehow cathartic.

I was thinking the other day- for as long as I have been alive, my mum, aunt, and two uncles have always been adults in my eyes; working and earning money. I think of a family picture that has me, my brother and my cousin sitting on the floor with all our parents and grandparents standing behind us. I've been a child or a young man for a long time. I have never looked or felt like an "adult"- that will come in a few years maybe. Soon enough I will be earning money and looking to start my own family, and that generation above mine will be old and smiling when they see their grand-children.

That's why I am trying to value my time as much as possible. I am afraid of settling for a mediocre life and being unhappy with what I have not achieved. In order to avoid this, I must value my time as much as possible, which starts with the littlest of things:

I need to get my work done, no matter how painful it is. I need to do that ahead of time so that I have times to do the things that I really enjoy. I need to think about Sukh at age 30. Sukh at 40, 50 and so on.

And I mean really think about him. The future me. What does he look like, is he healthy, is he happy, where is his life going? If I eat right now by having a balanced diet, my body should be ok down the line. If I exercise then my muscles, bones and ligaments will have a longer shelf-life. If I really challenge my mind by getting an education (both in and out of school), it should stay supple, just like my muscles. If I think about carving a career for myself in 6 months, I'm living for the future.

I would encourage you to do the same. Living for now is all well and good, but you will not remain as you are forever. Don't screw yourself over 10 years on from now only to say "If only I'd tried harder". Think of it as an investment; if you save up some money and stick it in the bank, you'll have a nice pension when you're older. Visualise what you will be in 10 years, and make that happen.

I want all of us to really, really live. Stop wasting time, stop avoiding what you know is right. If you make the most of your time, think how much more enjoyable it will be. The next time you're dicking around on Facebook or YouTube or watching some mundane daytime TV, ask yourself why you are doing it, what are you avoiding, and what could you be doing? By all means, spend time on Facebook or YouTube, just don't waste time on those things. If you learn to value your time, you learn to value yourself. Please, do that. For you.

I feel like posting this video, it seems appropriate. Yes, it's from YouTube:

The Art Of Conversation is...

Listening.

Have you ever been in a conversation where you're telling someone something about yourself, and then, as if it were some sort of natural continuation, they just give you an anecdote about them that somehow loosely relates to what you just said?

That's not a conversation. That's two people talking about themselves.

Hell, I've done it dozens of times, sometimes it's hard not to. But today I would like to ask you to try and simply listen instead. Actually listen to the words that come out of their mouth. Don't think of something to "match it" with, just let them carry on speaking. Explore what they want to talk about, what's on their mind, and be interested in them. If all of a sudden you start saying

"Oh yea, that's completely like the time I..."

You may think you're being helpful by showing empathy, but you're also talking about yourself. Let go of the ego and let this one be about them. Research has shown that if you're in a conversation with say, Mr. Tickle, and you're asking Mr. Tickle about his life and actually engaging with the guy- showing genuine interest in him- Mr. Tickle will remember you all the more for it, and he will remember you as actually being interesting.

This is because you have invested in Mr. Tickle. When he goes home, he'll remember someone who wanted to find out about him, and not some boring person who relayed the conversation back to themselves. And he'll tell all the Mr. Men about you too.

Life should be about giving, because that is truly the most rewarding thing (though sometimes it may not seem it). That giving can start with the simplest of things: a conversation. Give some of yourself away; invest in someone else. Stop talking and start listening. It may be hard at first, but it's actually well worth it.

If you've enjoyed reading my ramblings, you can conveniently subscribe to them via email instead of trying to figure out when my next post will be. Just enter your address on the left. As ever, comments are always encouraged.

P.S. If you don't know who he is or if you're merely feeling a bit nostalgic, this is Mr. Tickle.

Oh no! He's going to hug me!!

When performed correctly, hugs are quite simply amazing.


When done wrong...well, do you remember when Mufasa died?

A tad dramatic I know, and I'll admit, hugging isn't always easy. Sometimes you don't know the recipient well enough, or they just want a handshake. But when it is appropriate, you should really do it right!

I have had too many pathetic, half-arsed hugs that leave me feeling unsatisfied and perplexed. Hugging is one of life's greatest gifts, and they can make you feel so good about yourself. You know when you've received a bad hug- the weak arms that kind of linger around your back, flapping around as if you've just embraced two disjointed limbs. Or the slight gap between you because they don't want to be too close to you (who knows where you've been?). And the slight chin-tilt away from your shoulder- God forbid they actually rest their head on it!

Such traits usually mean you've encountered "the dead fish hug".

Here are some helpful tips:

On the approach, your head goes to the left, never the right.

Your hands should wrap firmly - I repeat, firmly - around your hugging partner. Most likely, your left arm will wrap at a lower height than your right. Personal preferences may vary however.

Give a mild squeeze to show some genuine emotion.

The "back pat" should be used with caution. Give a hearty singular pat for a man-hug, but otherwise it is best avoided. Do not patronise your partner with an overload of back-pats, unless you want to make them feel like they're six years old.

Hugs can last anywhere from three to five seconds. Any more or less is approaching awkward.

A hug, as defined by the Free Online Dictionary, is "A close, affectionate embrace". Make sure it is.

Goodbye Old Friend, See You On The Internet

I said goodbye to a good friend of mine today who has just finished studying in Glasgow for the term. Jimmy was actually my American roommate from last year, so we were pretty close. I don't know when I'll see him next.

And while we had a big man-chat the night before, the final moment itself wasn't emotional. No tears, no big speeches....meh.

Backstory:

Last year in Santa Barbara, I said 'so long' to many people, and I wasn't sure when I would ever see them again. When I did that, it was very surreal. What do you say to someone who may never re-enter your life again? Sum up your time together in an amusing yet touching sentence or two? Wish them luck with all they do and blah blah?

Well, since then, I've seen alot of those friends. I went back to America briefly, and then I had to say goodbye all over again, and one of my Aussie mates even came here, which was fantastic.

During this current academic year, I got to know our American next door neighbour, Troy, who was a very friendly and warm person. He was in Birmingham for just one term, and for him, it was very sad and somewhat depressing to leave his new found friends. I empathised, and tried to give him parting words of wisdom and truth.

Over the past week or so, I have said a final farewell to both Troy and Jimmy, and I will do so again in about 10 days when Eric stops by on his way home to California. But quite frankly, it's not as much of a big deal anymore.

This mentality exists because:
a) There's a fairly good chance I'll move to California some day.
b) I talk to these guys all the time.

Facebook. Skype. Msn. Email. Whatever. These things keep me in virtually constant communication with...well, anyone. Cities and Towns and Countries are pretty much boundary-less (real word?). There are no walls. We can fly, cross the Channel at the drop of a hat, and read about other people's opinions from the comfort of our own homes. If I knew Kim Jong Il's Skype ID, I could be on the phone to him in no time.

Such an inter-connected world nullifies true "Auf Wiedersehens". It erradicates "distance" as we once knew it. And I have mixed feelings about this; the obvious positive is never losing touch with our fellow humans, but then these daprtures and break-ups become falsified. Granted, Facebook can never replace a good old fashioned bear-hug, but you can still laugh, giggle and cry with your friends online. Real life is losing its impact.


Goodbyes are always going to be weird. But how cool would it be if you were busy living in your own world, and your best friend from Korea, whom you haven't seen or talked to in years, turns up with his Stunna Shades on?

Did any of that make sense? Comments encouraged.