Back to Deep Thoughts...

That last post doesn't fit with what I want this blog to be. Here's an anecdote instead:

Eight months ago I was in Vancouver on a long weekend. On my last evening there, I was walking back to my hostel, when I came across a homeless girl. Now, the homeless are everywhere on the West Coast of North America, so they very much blend in to the scenery. This girl however, struck me in a very visual way. Picture if you will, a young, cold figure wearing a small coat and a beanie, sat cross legged, huddled over a small cuddly bear. Placed delicately infront of her was a dilapidated hat with a piece of cardboard that simply said "Please".

Man, she must've had a PR agency working for her, cos that was a helluva sight for me.

I glimpsed down at her as you do, walked on a few feet, then stopped. I looked back for a moment, then back at my feet. I started to think. I had gone out the previous night and spent a silly amount of money on drinks and food, and I had spent money on the actual trip to Vancouver, and this and that...

I was finding more and more how I had been losing the value of money, so I thought fuck it, whatever money I had in my wallet, she would have. She deserved it far more than I did.

I slowly walked back over to her, reached in to my wallet, dropped the note in the hat, and waited a nano second to check for a reaction. Nothing. So I walked away a few feet again and glanced back to see if she knew I had given something.

She looked up at the hat, gradually took the note in her hand, then slid it into her sleeve, so that no one could see it.

I was annoyed. I wanted to go over and say "Why did you do that? Why are you hiding that money? Why are you lying to everyone?"

Of course, I knew why she did it; image. A green note in a dark hat ruins the desperate plea for money. I started to wonder what she was going to spend it on, and how long she would stick around to get more money. Did she already have an abundance of notes up her sleeve? In the end, I just headed back home. It was a mistake to do so. Call it British Reserve.

Now, I'm not trying to say "look at me aren't I generous" because I'm not. That token act was pathetic. But I remain perplexed by the homeless. It's one of the things that will remain with me about my trip to America- the sheer volume, the vast array of war Veterans and actual insane people on the streets. Blame Reagan? Maybe- an easy choice- but that doesn't change the present conditions. I'm not wise enough or experienced enough to understand the homeless situation in my country or America or Canada, and that's why I remain confused to this day.

I wish I could go back and talk to that girl.